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Joke Thread
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Wezza



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:33 am    Post subject: Joke Thread  Reply with quote

May as well kick things off.....

Chilean miner making love to his wife for the first time since release... Can we switch the lights off? Of course honey... Can i take you from behind? Anything you want you brave man.... Ok can i call you pedro?

W
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pitbull
Site Admin


Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 252

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:(  :(
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Wezza



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Come Ooooon!! That's a corker!!
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HeadrowLS1



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 147
Location: Leeds

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:42 am    Post subject: One courtesy of Gripper Reply with quote

A friend of mine has just started his own business making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says prophets are going through the roof!!  :lol:
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MOT
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Wezza



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A guy askes his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamboghini Countach - she loves this car she goes every where in it.

One day she picks up her kids from school, she's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor " Where is my son he was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Snodgrass?"

The doctor replies "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he wont be able to kick a football any more."

The woman asks about her daughter "Doctor where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at wimbledon"

The doctor says "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she
wont be able to pick up a racket any more" She begins to cry.

"Doctor" asks the woman, "How long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, " 6 months". "So what's the date?" asks the woman

"April 1st" says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then were you?"

Doctor: "YES.........they both died on impact"
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steakandsidney



Joined: 14 Oct 2010
Posts: 172
Location: Leeds

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 11:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bloke came into the pub last night - Black top Black shorts  and a whistle - "Fucking Hell" i thought "It's gonna kick off in a minute"
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My Jacket's gonna be cut slim and check -Maybe a touch of seersucker with an open neck
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Leeds16Loyal
Guest





PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 11:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm nicking that one Steak!!
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Able_Mable



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 17

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 11:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man walks into a doctors...

'help me doc, I keep thinking I'm a moth'

'I'm afraid you need serious psychiatric help I'm only a Doctor, get yourself to a psychiatrist'

'I know that' replies the man, ' but your light was on so I thought I'd come in here'
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well my heavy throbber's itching just to lay a solid rhythm down.
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gooleman



Joined: 14 Oct 2010
Posts: 10
Location: goole

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you call a woman with a plate of bacon and eggs on her head?

Caf............................................................................................................................................................What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?

Eileen

Apologies
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Shit town terry
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Inspector Morse Skipton



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.

Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left
:twisted:
good old sickipedia

and another

So I was having sex the other day and I was starting to get tired so I asked the girl to "Get on top".

To which she replied, "You haven't raped many girls before have you?"
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MOT
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darloWHITES



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They haven`t pulled this many minors from the ground since they dug up fred wests basement
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originalbramley



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 107
Location: bottom of a glass

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:mrgreen: I see Gary Glitter is over in Chile now... Its the only place apparently where you can have a minor slide up and down your shaft and be applauded!

Some very sad news i'm afraid, the owner of Odeon cinemas has died, his funeral is on Friday at 2:10, 4:10, 6:30 & 8:15...
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's something I need to tell you all, but its really hard to say...............

ken dodd's dad's dogs dead.
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 12:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

6 Polish men were arrested in Bradford last night for beating the fuck out of a group of pakis. Proof again, they come over here and take all the best jobs....
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Animal Rights activists have been protesting outside my House all day.

They'd heard I spent a lot of time in there shaking the snake, spanking the monkey and choking the chicken.
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Am going round Bradford for Halloween dressed as an imigration officer......... that'll fu**ing scare em!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi all. Need your advice. Ive been offered 8 legs of venison for 40. Is that two deer?....

Kin ell lads help us out!!!!!!!!!!!
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Working with a jewish guy who hasn't been circumcised

Turns out he is a complete cock
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mobby



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 8:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just bought a new aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs. Birds love it....
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originalbramley



Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Posts: 107
Location: bottom of a glass

PostPosted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paddy calls the rape helpline, \"Right ive got her pinned down, what next?



My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger. It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my cock out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!


My girlfriend broke up with me saying I was too kinky in the bedroom, I nearly spat her piss out when she told me..

what do you call a Paki Boxer? Wakim...


I mistook the Pope mobile for an ice cream van, I only realised when I went round the back and it said, \"I wouldn\'t mind that child\"..

what do you call a paki elvis impersonator ahmal shukup

Embarassed


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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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